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Medically Reviewed By: Sonya Bruner. There is an old saying that we hurt the ones we love the most. That makes human beings sound pretty horrible, but the truth is that the people who love us are more vulnerable with us, and it's in fact easier to accidentally cause them pain. That said, we cannot discount the fact that certain individuals deliberately cause pain to those they love. It's really hard when you hurt someone you love, and it feels awful when someone you love hurts you, but getting hurt is a part of life.
Many people are in pain because they are actually being physically or psychically abused by their partner. We are going to talk about why every day, regular, loving relationships can be painful. When you are wondering why does love hurt one of the biggest reasons is because of the uncertainty of it all.
5 pointers to recover from being hurt by someone you love
Love is wonderful and when we are falling in it we feel so wonderful and secure. And happy. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in love.
We know that from experience. And our hearts are so scared that this relationship will turn out like others and will cause us pain. The anxiety can cause stomach pain, heart ache that feels real, head fog and other physical symptoms. Symptoms that cause us literal and figurative pain. Try to manage your worries about the future. No one knows what will happen and worrying about it will only take away from the happiness that you are feeling right now.
The causes of hurting someone you love
For many of us, living in the moment is very difficult. Instead of enjoying where we are right nowwe project ahead to the future. Even if you are secure in your relationship, wondering what is next can cause physical and psychic pain.
When will I see him again? What will we do, if anything, this weekend?
When can we move in together? When will she introduce me to her friends? Again, worrying about the future, even in a secure, committed relationship, can cause pain. The symptoms can be similar to those described above. You might also find yourself feeling needy and clingy, neither of which are very fun for your partner. So, if this is you, worrying about the future constantly, try to let it go and focus on right now.
When we are falling in love, all sorts of wonderful chemicals are coursing through our bodies. Dopamine, serotine, oxytocin and endorphins are all stimulated when we are experiencing love and lust. Those chemicals feels SO good that they are, in a way, addictive.
You know how, when after a lovely weekend together, you separate and the feeling is intensely painful? That is because your body is literally going into withdrawal of those chemicals that make you feel so good. This withdrawal is extremely painful and we will do just about anything to ease the pain.
This need le to anxiety about when we will see them again and the suffering is intensified. If they are struggling with withdrawal pain, I encourage my clients to exercise. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins are generated by exercise and you can, at least temporarily, get those chemicals coursing through your blood again and alleviate that pain.
Yes, we have all been in and out of love over the course of our lifetime and, for many of us, the memories of what caused heartbreak is real and still present in our mind. As a result, we bring the baggage from past relationships into our new ones and that can cause pain. I know that I have had a of boyfriends who have let me down. As a result, when I am in a new relationship, I am constantly on the lookout for being let down. This baggage, baggage that comes from past relationships, can cause us a lot of pain in our new ones. If you are carrying pain from past relationships, try to let it go and not project it onto your new partner.
You know when you are falling in love and you are so excited that you finally met a person who had their shit together and knew how to treat you.
Why is it so painful to be in love? love isn’t supposed to hurt
When we are falling in love, all we know is that our person is perfect. I am not saying that your perfect guy turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath although that does happen but your perfect guy does turn out to be imperfect. Or perhaps he has revealed himself to be a bit of a slob.
Perhaps he spends more time at work then he used to or he plays a few more video games then you might like. When the person we thought was perfect turns out not to be, there can be a huge letdown. And a painful one. So, what do you do when the letdown causes you pain? If you know that the video games are going to be an issue, either talk to him about how you feel about them or choose to accept them as part of your life.
Take stock of the things that are causing you pain and take steps to address them. Are you feeling uncertain about your future? Do you wonder about expectations? Do you struggle with the chemical crash or the weight of the baggage that you bring? Do you wonder if this imperfect person is the one for you?
If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one
Address these things one at a time and the pain that you feel in your relationship can be managed and reduced. Love can be wonderful and love can be painful.
Make sure that the balance of the two is equal and you can live happily ever after! I am a NYC based Certified life and love coach.
Why love literally hurts
I work with people to help them develop the tools to find, and keep, happiness and love. me at [ protected] and let me help you too! Why does love hurt? I mean, seriously. Being in love means being in pain.
Why does love hurt in a relationship? 5 surprising reasons.
Maybe not all of the time but certainly some of the time. The answers might surprise you! Or did you?
On some level, these are existential questions but there also some concrete reasons why. You can do it!