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Have you ever been in a state of ambivalence in your relationship where you are not sure whether the two of you fit together or not? Perhaps you continually ask yourself whether you should leave and look for something better and truly fulfilling, or stay committed to the relationship and accept that what you have is good enough.


Relationships aren't always going to be smooth sailing. Even the couples who look perfect from the outside have issues they need to work through.

We asked experts how long it really takes to get over a long-term relationship

After all, nothing worth having comes easy. But for those in long-term relationships, it can be hard to work out if you should call it a day or tough it out. When you've been together a long time, you're comfortable and familiar with each other, and letting go may seem more and more difficult. According to counselor Suzanne Degges-White, there are a few s that a relationship is really over.

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She wrote in a blog post on Psychology Today how there will be times where it feels like you and your partner live separate lives, and these lulls are normal. But sometimes people don't grow in the same direction, and it becomes time for them to walk away from the relationship. When someone is around you all the time, you might end up directing your frustrations at them. In a healthy relationship, your partner is there to help you through the tough times.

But in a bad one, you don't communicate properly, and a lot gets left unsaid.

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If you're always feeling angry with your partner, Degges-White said you should figure out if you would be happier if you broke up. If the answer is yes, it's time to say goodbye. Sexual ups and downs are normal in all relationships. Also, the honeymoon doesn't last forever, so you won't always be throwing yourselves at each other.

10 things that happen when a long-term relationship ends

Degges-White said when the passion fizzles out, what remains is intimate friendships and a lasting connection. Fantasising about other people is normal too.

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But if you're doing it all the time, and the thought of your real partner brings you up in a rash, that's a bad. Degges-White said if you're too exhausted or burned out to have sex, that's fine. It's about whether you still find each other attractive or not.

When to break up and end a long term relationship

At the beginning of a relationship, everything seems perfect. You're more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt for their behaviours, and all their habits seem cute and endearing. Fast forward a few months or years, and those little quirks might seem excruciatingly annoying. Degges-White said if you can't stand the way your partner is chewing their food, clicking their fingers, or anything else, it's probably got more to do with you than them. All couples fight.

In fact, it can sometimes be the healthiest way to resolve an issue, as long as you do it in the right way.

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So the occasional row isn't a you're wrong for each other. However, minor disagreements that always blow up into screaming matches are not healthy.

13 s your long-term relationship is close to being over

And if you're point scoring, always bringing up the past, or trying to hurt each other, you're not trying to move forward — you're pushing each other away. Nobody wants to be in a dead end relationship that seems to be going nowhere. Degges-White said if you think your partner is trying to change for the better, you should give them some space to do it. But if they listen to your worries, and dismiss them rather than engaging, that's a red flag. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation.

5 s your relationship is over, according to a counselor

Lindsay Dodgson. A few disagreements in a relationship are normal. It's also perfectly natural for the passion to fizzle out a bit. But if your minor arguments always blow up and the thought of touching each other repulses you, that's a major something is off. It can be hard to know whether it's time to say goodbye, but counselor Suzanne Degges-White has laid out five key ways you can work it out.

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10 questions to help you determine when to end a long-term relationship

Loading Something is loading. address. Break Ups Psychology Sociology.

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Going through a breakup is undeniably difficult, but especially so when you're trying to get over a long-term relationship.


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A big one.


Posted December 23, Reviewed by Matt Huston.