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This masterwork finally tells the story of what women want in a man, and how important men are in the fate of their relationships with women. Let me say upfront that this book is written for men in heterosexual relationships with women, which is not to say that we have forgotten the LGBTQ community. Julie and I have done research for a dozen years with committed same-sex couples, and have offered workshops for gay and lesbian couples for the past 20 years through our Institute. This book is for straight men that want to better understand women. I have tried for ten years to write this book on my own and I repeatedly failed at it. How a man understands and responds to a woman will determine his eventual wealth, his social status, his energy and motivation for life, his resilience, his mental and physical health, how well his immune system works, how well he copes with stress, his happiness at home and at work, his self-confidence, his friendships, his connection to his children, how his children turn out, and actually how long he will live.


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There was a time when, as March 8 approached, I longed to go into hiding. I knew there would be invitations to talk on the day. But how could I say what I really wanted to? Now, for quite some years, I have not had to worry about being invited.

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Even today, we have a huge mass of women who sweep our homes and our streets, who do back-breaking work on construction sites, women who do unskilled and poorly paid jobs of maids and carers for the very young and the very old. This year, however, I think of another group of women, of all those sitting in innumerable places throughout the country, protesting against the Citizenship Amendment Act.

Women who we thought had never gone out of their homes and, if at all, were always escorted by a male, even if the male was only ten years old. Women who were hidden behind a burkha, who were not much educated, who had many children and were perhaps, possibly, one of four wives of their husbands.

The stereotype has now been successfully shattered.

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Protesting women have been sitting day after day in the full blaze of public gaze. They do not shy away from the media, but talk confidently, explain why they are protesting. The questions they are asking are simple: is the state entitled to make a law that excludes Muslims? Does this law not smack of discrimination? Does the Constitution allow this discrimination? And, is this the country our forebears fought for?

It is said that the women have been sent out by men to fight their battle for them.

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But could the women have done what they are doing without sufficient courage and conviction of their own? I read a nasty little article that said that women go to the protests to escape their dull, humdrum lives. Only a man could have said this. It is just this humdrum routine that makes sure that families live in comfort, that food is ready at the right time, that clothes are washed and ironed, that the house is swept and dusted, that men and children are looked after and guests are welcomed.

A place distant from the city I know.

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Very different from the middle-class Bangalore I am familiar with, places like Malleswaram, Jayanagar, Indiranagar, the Cantonment. We drove through narrow ro that looked like they were rarely swept, the road bordered on both sides by unending rows of small shops.

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I was saddened by the shabby surroundings, by the sense of being in a ghetto. The gleaming dome and slender minarets of a mosque, pointed out to us by everyone of whom we asked the way, only emphasised the derelict old buildings that surrounded it. But when we entered the protest site, things changed.

A woman came and held our hands and smiled her welcome; the loudspeaker was so deafeningly loud, it made talking impossible. No hesitation, their voices loud and clear.

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Speakers spoke in Kannada, Hindi, English. And that they understood their cause, they knew why they were there. I have been sure, I have said it often, that this will be the century of women. Not because women are superior, or men inferior, but because men are tired and jaded. Whereas women, coming out of centuries of confinement and suppression, have all the energy and enthusiasm of frisking calves and foals. Now I wonder whether this is the turning point. Whether, once having come out, women will not go back into their seclusion. Whether they will realise that it is up to them to change their own lot.

Whether they have found a new direction, a different kind of courage which will make them proactive citizens.

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Whether this experience will translate into an emphasis on education, on gaining skills, on preparing to become professionals, on aiming for a greater independence. They have persisted despite derogatory remarks, despite jibes, ugly charges. They have not been frightened by the violence which came into their midst, or by the violence which surrounded them during the riots. Their courage is astounding. The response of the government on the other hand has been shocking; in fact, there has been no response at all. Their rigid stand has not changed, in spite of the fact that this movement has spread almost over the entire country.

Nobody has deigned to talk to the women, not even the lowliest Minister. Do they think that it is below their dignity to talk to women? Shankaracharya travelled throughout India, debating with other scholars, putting forth his philosophy, his ideas of Hinduism. Democracy thrives on debates. Not shouting matches, but well-reasoned arguments put out by both sides.

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For the government it is a great opportunity to listen to the voice of the people. But they continue to be adamant, mistakenly thinking, perhaps, that it is a of strength. It is not, not in a democracy. The spirit of compromise, he said, is an essential part of satyagraha. Which means nothing.

As women across india come out to protest the citizenship amendment act, have we reached a turning point?

The gift all women want is to be free of violence, whether on the streets, or in their homes. To be free of sexual harassment.

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Not to be discriminated against in any matter because of their gender. The only gift the protesting women want is the priceless gift of being treated like all other citizens of their country.

For years, women have had to control their voice, posture, and demeanor in the workplace. with slack, we don’t have to worry about any of that.

They are fighting for their homes, for their place in the country. The coronavirus has entered the country. In the midst of the fears and the measures being taken to fight this virus, perhaps we can spare a moment to think of what this pandemic is telling us: that we are all human. It is reminding us of our sameness.

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Perhaps, those of us who think of some people as unequal should ponder over this fact. Shashi Deshpande is an award-winning writer. Her most recent book is titled Listen to Me. Share your perspective on this article with a post on ScrollStack, and send it to your followers.

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Contribute Now. This animated view is terrifying Fat bear week: Otis the bear makes a surprising recovery to win the competition in Alaska The Resistance Front have claimed responsibility for civilian killings in Kashmir. Who are they? A protester shouts slogans in Shaheen Bagh area in January Shattering stereotypes This year, however, I think of another group of women, of all those sitting in innumerable places throughout the country, protesting against the Citizenship Amendment Act.

A protest in Delhi on December The century of women I have been sure, I have said it often, that this will be the century of women. Protestors in Guwahati on December Respond to this article with a post Share your perspective on this article with a post on ScrollStack, and send it to your followers.

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Olga Khazan , The Atlantic.


I still cannot believe that John Krasinski got moviegoers to be silent back in