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You just met someone special. This someone touches you in all the right ways. As special as they are, you inevitably start having doubts.
After endless searching, you finally found someone worth holding onto. But through certain circumstances, you find yourself separated from the one you love by miles and miles of distance. First of all, be comforted in knowing that long distance relationships can absolutely succeed. In fact, most couples find themselves geographically separated at some point during their dating or marriage relationship.
Don't: rely on social media
Many couples even point to a season of long distance as the cornerstone of a stronger relationship. With that in mind, our team of relationship experts at Lasting have compiled a list of their very best tips for maintaining, surviving, and even thriving in a long distance relationship or long distance marriage. But in the meantime, here are some therapist-approved recommendations to strengthen your emotional connection, ease the ache of geographic separation, and help your relationship go the distance.
We are living at a time when we have unprecedented round-the-clock access to one another. Some couples want to feel connected every hour.
Some find it tedious to talk every day. Discuss with each other what works for the general frequency and length of time you will spend texting, talking, or video chatting in a day or week.
And be open to modifying your communication tendencies as life creates new and unexpected demands. Emotional calls are the thousands of tiny attempts to connect with each other. If your partner has an important day, call or text preemptively to find out how it went.
What is considered a long-distance relationship?
This is why therapists at Lasting recommend using frequent verbal assurances with one another. They help minimize these negative feelings and clarify where you stand as a couple. The next time you talk, tell your partner how much you love and appreciate your relationship. That is both normal and a good thing—even if it forces your relationship to change some in the process. They find ways to stay connected and push each other forward.
In a secure attachment relationship, personal growth and change is healthy. One of the best things you can do to promote a secure attachment is supporting your partner as they grow in their individual strengths and interests. Research shows that interdependent relationships are proven to be the healthiest form of relationships for marriage.
What does that mean? That means you and your partner do things in sync together while maintaining your own separate identities as individuals. According to marriage therapist Liz Colizza, having shared experiences with your long-distance partner increases the cohesion of your relationship.
Did you know? Bigger problems can arise if you ignore little struggles or are unwilling to address sensitive topics.
One military spouse experienced this when she and her husband were dating long distance. It created this vicious cycle where I felt I could never share what was bothering me. I would eventually blow up and break up with him. It was so unfair though, because he had no idea anything was even wrong. You can also get more personalized support with a therapist through Talkspace.
What do you need from relationships?
When we were apart, I focused on classes and spent time with my friends. That worked really well for us while I was in law school. Frustrating as it might seem to be separated, try to think of a few ways your long distance relationship is actually beneficial. Do you have more time for hobbies or working out or spending time with friends and family? Make a list of the positive aspects of long distance and focus on these during the harder days when the distance is really getting to you. You might even be tempted to do something impulsive—like quit your job or drop out of school—just so you can be together with the person you love.
That reason may hinge on a professional, financial, or family situation that needs to play out properly until the timing is right for you both to be together geographically.
Why long-distance relationships are possible?
Whether this involves a wedding, an engagement, a job change or a relocation, be sure your plan considers the right next step at the right time for both people. Having the hope of being together long term can help you ride out the toughest days of being apart from one another. That little bit of hope can go a long way toward making the one you love seem not quite so far away. Download Lasting and check out the Dating series.
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About Us. For Therapists. Help Center. What can you do to make your Long Distance Relationship work? Take our quiz. Communicate as much or as little as you need to feel connected. Remind your partner frequently what you love about your relationship. Forge a secure attachment by supporting each other's interests. Find a way to hang out together while apart.
Learn how to address important issues both remotely and in person. Take the 2-minute quiz. Focus on the positive aspects of long distance. When the time is right, create a long term plan for merging your worlds.