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Just like other elements that can make or break a romantic relationship, the way you manage and talk about money with your partner needs to be established slowly, and considered as things grow. Where your work meets your life. At first glance, it seems that there are few things less incompatible than dating and finance.

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The goal was for the scale to always return to zero, ideally down to the cent. At the time, I knew a bunch of couples who did it differently.

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I knew another who switched off paying for things with her partner, kind of randomly, with little care as to whether or not the books stayed balanced. I knew a heterosexual couple in which the guy paid almost all the time, for no apparent reason.

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Could it really not matter? How did their feelings about money bleed into other parts of the relationship?

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When I recently brought it up, he explained that footing the bill every once in a while is simply one way he expresses affection or appreciation, the same way I might send him an interesting article or bring him a treat from work. It makes treating each other on a whim feel more special.

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Something about it feels more even-handed and comfortable, somehow, than being so strict. When it comes to pre-relationship dates, my feelings have seen a similar evolution. Who planned the date, who wants to express what, and all other kinds of emotional entanglements, right?

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In the case of heterosexual dating, one friend of mine, who admits to being old school, says she prefers the guy to pay for the first few dates as an expression of his genuine interest — then she moves to splitting.

Another friend of mine cited U. My gay friend adheres to the inviter-pays approach, another one says he always splits. Have your feelings on the matter shifted?

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