- What is the color of my hair:
- My favourite music heavy metal
- Other hobbies:
David Markowitz does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment. Nearly one-fourth of young adults are looking for love through dating websites or apps. This relatively new form of courtship can give you access to a large pool of potential partners. It also presents a unique set of challenges.
The 4 most common lies people tell on dating apps, according to a stanford researcher
So begins the abstract of a research study that looked at solving the mystery of the kind of lying that goes on dating apps like Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, and the like. You might think everyone is being deceitful all the time on dating apps The truth is actually a bit more encouraging.
Researchers Jeffrey Hancock, a Stanford communications professor, and Dave Markowitz, assistant professor of communication at University of Oregon, analyzed over 3, messages sent by about people on a variety of dating apps. They focused solely on the "discovery phase," meaning the time between when a match and when the two people actually meet in person.
Encouragingly, when researchers asked people how dishonest they'd been in each message, about 66 percent said they had been totally honest. And of those who had lied, only 7 percent of their messages contained untruths.
That means a full 93 percent of the messages were honest. So if we believe these participants, most people are telling the truth most of the time--even on dating apps. But what about the times they aren't?
According to the research, the vast majority of the actual lies told were "butler lies," a term Hanock coined in a research study. According to the researchers, the term refers to "false messages that help a person manage his or her social availability.
In other words, they're the white lies people tell to make their way into something This could mean exaggerating the truth to make yourself look cooler, or pretending to share interests with the other person "omg I love salsa dancing, too! In one case, the message was: "Haha all I want is to walk into a grocery store and buy the entire shelf of Bold Rock.
Just under 30 percent of the falsehoods had to do with time. Scheduling conflicts, having had "such an exhausting day" or needing to wait to meet up "until work dies down" all reside in this category. The fact is, meeting a new person is stressful.
Even if you're excited about them, it's not a comforting activity--it spikes your adrenaline not to mention the stress of actually making it out of the house fully dressed. So the lie becomes "Uhhhh, work meeting ran long, can't make it" instead of, "I'd honestly just rather stay in and watch Netflix than meet a new person tonight.
If you have actually managed to decide on a time and place to meet, there's still the possibility of lying about when you'll actually arrive. You're guilty of this butler lie if you've ever sent the chirpy text, "I'm 10 minutes away!
This kind of fib obviously isn't limited to dating, and is quite common.
This was often paired with the lie getting out of meeting up. It sounds like "Oh man, really wish I could go! In the words of the authors, the idea here is to "save face for both communicators.
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For Markowitz, the biggest takeaway from the research isn't that most of us lie about the same things although that does seem to be the case. Instead, he says, "It was encouraging to see this finding in a dating setting Trust and honesty are crucial in circumstances beyond just texting on Tinder.
But it's nice to know that even in that environment, we all really do want to do right by one another. Top Stories.
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Top Videos. Getty Images. Here are the four most common kinds of butler lies people tell on dating apps:. Self-presentation lies i. Sponsored Business Content.