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After even one heartbreak, a woman might find herself distancing herself emotionally, having problems connecting, or experiencing trust issues. The examples in pop culture are numerous. What we are seeing is that many women are first looking for a physical connection and then asking themselves: Do I really like him? Are we really compatible? Do we really want the same things in life?
But if you know how to see things through and understand his behavior, it can blossom into something worth sticking around for. The difference is that a man who has been badly hurt in romance will usually drop you as soon as he detects behavior or attitudes similar to the ex or exes who let him down.
QUIZ: What does your man want from you?
8 things to remember when dating someone with a guarded heart
Take my quiz here. You will have to earn his love and let him begin to see you as his woman naturally, rather than pressuring him. As Brianna Wiest writes :.
QUIZ: Does he really love you? My fun new Zodiac quiz can help you figure it out, based on his Zodiac. Check it out here.
1. we treasure alone time
What she means — correctly in my view — is that love is a process and relates to real things and real actions, not just temporary emotional ups and downs. And that can actually be a really good thing for the long-term potential of your relationship because it means the foundation will be rock solid. But try not to intentionally bring them up or be insistent that your guy get into the past too much or open up on issues which are painful to discuss.
Like Lauren Nelson says :. If you can make the man smile or laugh, you will have put him at ease.
This makes it easier for him to discuss his pain with you. When tense or immersed in his pain, his guard will be up.
This defensiveness is a learned defense mechanism. In masculine communication, men are taught to conceal emotions unless in the presence of a trusted confidante, as emotions are construed as a of weakness.
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I recommend letting him know you really care about him and find him attractive but not in a pushy way or with an implied obligation. Dating coach Christine Keller spells it out :. Tell him that he means the world to you. Once he hears this coming out of your mouth, he will fall in love with you even harder because he will know that there is a woman in his life who is ready to accept him the way he is, with all his scars and the demons from his past. He may be overly emotionally demanding on you, check in on your whereabouts and become sulky and moody for no apparent reason.
Later you might find out, for example, that he was upset you were talking to an old guy friend on the phone the night before. Things like this can sink a fledgling relationship before it really gets off the ground, but if you understand the wounded roots of his behavior you can weather the storm.
Five keys to dating him without getting hurt
Sonya Schwartz explains :. This is definitely the case for a man that has been damaged due to a woman being unfaithful to him. You want to relate to him on a deeper level, but you need to also stay aware that getting too close too quickly could crash him back into past pain. Not only will he come to associate you with past pain, he will also be likely to start drowning in his memories and drift away from you.
The past is often close at hand, and this man is probably struggling to stay away from it as well. Avoid emotional topics about the past and try not to accelerate the relationship too quickly. If he responds angrily or depressively at situations that seem like no big deal to you then do your best not to take it personally.
Things may be rough, but with the right attitude and some forbearance, there is always the chance of making things work.
Dating a man who has been hurt: 10 things you need to know
Emotional defenses, irritability and being closed off are all the side effects of being badly hurt. Especially if you have stronger feelings for him, you may get impatient or begin to second-guess the connection. The good news is that often a guy who has been hurt is a passionate and sincere person underneath. This goes for sexually as well, where he may seem turned off or detached in the bedroom at first.
Codependency is an unhealthy attachment style where people often start depending on someone else to fix or complete their life, or depend on someone else to be there for them to fix. Only time and your own understanding can do that.
2. we take it slow
It can lead to a successful bonding and wonderful relationship, but it can also easily go off the rails and become an emotional minefield. If you have feelings for him and want to make this connection work you should be patient and loving.
It needs to be for the right reasons. We reveal all in our free eBook Attraction Triggers.
Should you date a man who’s been hurt or find someone else?
This eBook has everything you need to know about the predictable patterns that make a man fall in love. Most importantly, it will teach you practical techniques to activate those triggers in your man so you can build a successful long-lasting relationship.
You will struggle more than usual and may be tempted to give up. The real reason why men pull away Want to learn the real reason why men pull away from emotionally committing in a relationship?